Inspire: EXPOSURE, NOT EDUCATION

I broke up with my boyfriend because he didn't know who Tevin Campbell was. It wasn't about Tevin Campbell. The problem was the gentleman in question, didn't listen to secular music. I broke up with him because of a terrible premonition, that on my wedding night, I would be making love to the music of Don Moen!

I needed to come to terms with my relationship expectations. In all honesty, if I had married him, I couldn't say life had not warned me. I couldn't expect the guy to "talk dirty" to me during sex. I couldn't expect to be turned on by music either. Perhaps some people can live without. But, I cannot do without music and words.

We underestimate how much exposure impacts relationships. It defines the quality of conversation. If you are sapiosexual and words matter to you, you will most likely be in a relationship with someone like you. For you, opposites do not attract. They fight.

Imagine hearing the music of Aaliyah and you jump up to dance with your boyfriend. But he asks, "Who is Aaliyah?" Imagine not being able to have a conversation about Danger Mouse and Voltron. Imagine running a financial analysis and realising it makes investment sense to buy a home abroad. But your boyfriend insists his home must be in the village.

Those specific things are not issues in themselves. It is the fact that they point to a cultural misalignment. Your culture was formed over decades of experiences. It defines your ideology. It determines how your relationship will unfold and indeed, how you will raise your children.

Exposure and culture are the reason why I keep a list of 100 classic books, movies and songs. Whenever I mentor anyone, their first task is to read, watch and listen to the items on the list. Some of the books focus on history. When they've ticked off at least 50 items, then we can talk.

If you've never listened to the music of the jazz greats, I cannot explain the exactitude of excellence to you. If you haven't watched Rocky or Chariots of Fire, it would be harder for me to explain the nobility of winning to you. If you've never read Dickens or Shakespeare, how can you ever relate to the delightful surpise that words evoke?

Formal education is good, but cultural exposure and an appreciation of history are critical. They make you generationally relevant and provide core material to draw on, when you need to innovate.

Over the next year, please seek cultural exposure. I will share my Top 100 list before the new year.

PS: Sometimes, exposure has simplistic practical applications. Like a woman knowing to wear wire thongs with fitted trousers or to go strapless with a cold-shoulder outfit.

Subomi Plumptre